Game actions brought to one or two flippant sentences with humor, shows you the complete madness. Super Mario is anything but a nice guy. He’s always jumping around on turtles! What’s this, Nintendo ?!
If you sit down and try to break down the core plot of a game into one or two sentences, something very strange comes out every now and then. If you add a pinch of humor, the game descriptions are pretty funny – and different. They virtually expand the horizon and create new perspectives.
In the Uncharted series, you take over Nathan Drake, a racist mass murderer who finds undiscovered, historically valuable cities, loots and destroys them and eradicates opposition among the populations of small states.
In Minecraft you play an anti-social, immoral builder who doesn’t care about the landscape or nature – you clear forests, mine resources, leave holes everywhere just to build your own castle.
Look forward to Skyrim, in which you play a psychopath who stomps into every cave, fortress or ruin and massacres every living being in it.
In Pac-Man you swallow pills non-stop, run away from ghosts and listen to repetitive, electronic music – oh, you’re also a yellow circle.
Commander Shepard from Mass Effect is a globally known voluptuary and philanderer who believes that the rescue of the galaxy is hidden in the underwear of his crew members and therefore wants to get them all laid.
In the Saints Row games, you’re mostly a wacky guy who makes people’s day sweet by pounding them “topless” with a giant purple dildo.
In The Witcher 3, after about half an hour, you lose interest in saving your adopted daughter. You’d rather play cards, collect them meticulously and therefore hang around in taverns.
As a link in The Legend of Zelda adventures, you portray a troubled adventurer who wants to save the world by smashing strange people’s pottery, beating their chickens and then going fishing.
As a Pokémon trainer, you play a sadistic underage animal torturer who enslaves wild creatures and then lets them fight each other to the death for fame and money.
Watch dogs – take on the role of a sociopathic hacker who randomly murders people or clears their bank accounts just because he’s angry that his niece has died.
In Portal you are a cheeky, unstable guinea pig who stubbornly destroys scientific and technical achievements once and for all.
In the GTA games you are the most psychopathic criminal in human history who basically never dies in the intensive care unit and who constantly smears the police so that they can set him free again with all his weapons.
As Mario you play in the Super Mario series, a plumber who is obsessed with revenge and who jumps around on the heads of harmless creatures because his girlfriend left him for a turtle. She also keeps claiming that she was “kidnapped”.
In the games of the Call of Duty series, you are as powerful as the true god of war! You destroy thousands of enemy soldiers, recover from gunshot wounds in seconds, and even rise from the dead.
Hopefully you haven’t taken it all that seriously now. After all, everything here is written with a wink. But they’re interesting perspectives, aren’t they?